The “Late-Diagnosed” ADHD Club

It’s one of those things you don’t realize exists until you’re in it: like the moms with coffee tumblers filled with wine at soccer games, or adults who play board games with other adults. We’re standing off to the side at your kid’s birthday because we don’t know anyone and are too exhausted to smile and make small talk after a long week or making a weird social situation even more awkward. We are adults who recently found out we’re not just weirdos or lowkey incompetent, we are neurodivergent, dammit! And we had something to say but we forgot what it was…

I can tell pretty quickly when someone comes in for a session who has ADHD. As adults, they sparkle more. They are typically friendly, warm, outgoing and self-deprecating not out of charm (which they frequently have in spades), but out of a long-held belief that even though they have been genuinely liked by most people in their lives, they can’t do simple things or keep track of stuff or stay organized or all of the above, and this makes them believe they are deficient in ways others can’t see. Sometimes others have seen and have berated them, and the neurodivergent hero has taken this negative feedback to be true. But it is not true: we are not deficient, but different. We are sparkle-brained!

We live in a fast-paced world where neurotypicals reign and impose the rules with a solemness that implies they cannot evolve. But if we are to live and thrive and work as we do rather than mask and recover over and over until we die, then rules have to change. This change would mean allowing our creativity to be prioritized over scheduling when it’s possible. It would mean being curious about our work process rather than simply focused on results. It would take some flexibility (something we have become masters at having to conform) being required rather than allowed.

How do we start the change? Individually! I counsel people who recognize they have been struggling their whole lives to make things work, only to be diagnosed with ADHD after 30 or 40 or even 50, and finally have a reason they have been living in the chaos if their own minds and habits, as well as environments. If you want to create some calm and comfort for yourself in a world that was not built for you but desperately needs you, give me a call. Let’s identify some areas in your life where you can start feeling a whole lot better!